Effective Counseling/Communication

 

Hello again everyone. Trust that everyone is coming here to learn more about families. Well, you’re in luck because I know everything about families. I am kidding about knowing everything about families’ guys. I will share what I have read on helping to communicate with your significant other in marriage or even dating. What I read this week on that is titled “Strength in Counsel” this is by my religious leader Elder M. Russell Ballard of the twelve apostles. In the talk he talks about how good it is to counsel within meetings and in the home. And it’s important to do so where both parties in a marriage to discuss different topics. Now he mostly talks about counseling in a church setting for the most part. But I think this can work even in a marriage setting. you both should have similar values and so we should start there. Elder Ballard says to focus on the fundamentals. What do both of you find the most important cause if it goes against that then the decision becomes easier to make. The second one mentioned in the talk is focus on people. For those in a relationship that would be focus on the other person instead of just yourself. Because we all have probably felt like to not be cared about. Its an easy thing to miss if you don’t think about the other person.  Thirdly and this may sound like a “duh” moment but don’t be controlling. Make sure that the other person can be able to express themselves and what they think. This is so that you know what the other person thinks. Also, nothing can break a relationship than feelings that start when someone’s feelings are hurt. Which leads to resentment, then to hate. Fourth from what the talk says is that participation is a privilege. Now I’m going to take that and say now to change it that can make sense for those in a relationship. That the people in a relationship needs to participate with each other. The fifth and final point is Lead with love. This should be a no brainer for some of you. But if you are like me sometimes in asking. “What is love?” well I say that when you are thinking about the other persons needs or wants. Sometimes before your own needs and wants. I believe all these foster a good way to council with your significant other in matters that are important in between you couples. Now that was ways for counseling. Now some of you might say. “What about when we have a argument about something that we feel is important?” well there is a model of effective ways to communicate. It’s called the 5 ways of effective communication. The first one will shock you. It shocked me. It’s called the “Disarming technique”. This is when someone is saying something like “I don’t think you care about me”. Now if you’re in a relationship and your significant other says this to you. Look for a kernel of truth in what she said. Now this is hard for some of us since we like to go into the defensive. But try disarming technique by saying “Honey you are right I haven’t been caring as I should”. Now you can then “express feeling” you should express what you think the other person is feeling and then maybe your own feelings. Then you clarify with the other if what you said is true. Then You start with the “I feel …” statements. Like I feel so loved for…  and I think you are so …. You see then you can do the last step called “stroking”. Tell the other things that you really appreciate about the other person. Now I can’t tell you who wrote that. But if you looked up “5 secrets of effective communication” and they go along with what I said. Then you have found that person. Well Hopefully now you guys can communicate more effectively so that when those tough times come. And they will come in a relationship. Then you have the tools to deal with it. This is JT signing off till next time.